YEEEHEE! It’s me, Francis Thee Elf!

Quick, I gotta talk to you real quick before someone notices I got the keys to this thing. Usually, Adrian talks about Great Things and other stuff that helps you look at life in a new way. Well I say, why not look at it from the point of view of an ELF!

If you were forwarded this email, you can subscribe and join the Great Things Take Time Community to get content from Adrian every Monday. It’s usually not this unhinged.. or maybe it is.

Santa! I let him lick my face know him!

Holidays With Francis

Adrian is off filling up a 5-gallon tank with racing fuel or looking for the lost sleeves for all his shirts, so while he’s away and left his computer unprotected, I thought I could mix things up from his BAWWWRING and sometimes serious stuff to bring you some unhinged holiday cheer!

We’ll keep this short and sweet before I get caught, but I’m coming to you here to remind you  that you’re going to come across a lot of characters over the next week and a half. Some of them will be at parties, some will be your family, some of them will be like me, some might even be you. People are going to say wild things, emotions will run high, and you might need to go find time to hide in the bathroom. 

When things get hard, Adrian says something about laps and emotions, but the only lapping I want to be doing is lapping up maple syrup off my pancakes.

However, I do think you should take a break when things get overwhelming or feel out of control. My favorite place? A bathroom with the water running (literally no one is going to bother you when they hear the fan on and the water going).

Sometimes holidays bring out the best, sometimes you’re almost at blows in the store’s aisles over the last overly packaged toy. You say stuff you don’t mean, you turn into someone you don’t want to be, or you’re absolutely perfectly the same while everyone else devolves into a cotton headed ninny muggins!

So here are Five Francis tips to get you through the last nine days of 2024:

Eat Dessert First 

C’mon, you know you want to! Nothing worse than having to leave a party early and missing dessert, or swinging by the dessert table to find that someone ate it all! Adrian talks about how tomorrow is never promised so don’t miss out on things you might regret like running out of space in your stomach or waiting until too late and your favorite cookie is all gone. (Scroll to the bottom for a special recipe from Francis)

Sing Loud for All To Hear

Most people hate to sing publicly because they’re scared of sounding bad and embarrassing themselves.

I say, why leave any doubt about your joy?

No one cares that you don’t sound like Aretha Franklin, it’s the spirit that counts! You’re probably not getting a recording deal, so why hold back?

Enjoy the tunes and be the hit of the party. When you start having fun, people will have no choice but to join you.

Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

It’s the holidays, it’s not brain surgery, things don’t need to be perfect. So your tinsel doesn’t match the forks which don’t match the lights or the napkins.

YA GONNA BE FINE.

Accidentally burned the roast?

Adrian might be disappointed in you, but I’m here to tell you it doesn’t matter! But taking yourself too seriously and not enjoying the celebrations? I will have NONE of that nonsense. 

Just Do A Pushup

When I’m not sitting on a ledge judging your family and reporting back to Santa, or working in his workshop, I like to dabble in some fitness.

Why?

Because exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy elves just don't get into fights with other elves, they just don't.

Maybe you need a break this week, cool, do you, I know the pressure of last minute toy construction in the North Pole can really catch up with you and exhaust you. But when you feel down and out and like a sad little elf who keeps breaking all his tools, don’t be afraid to throw in a few pushups or squats. Anything quick to get your blood pumping. I promise you’ll be able to handle anything that comes at you (like a last minute rush order).

Be Unapologetic

Elves like myself live our lives like we’re in the airport: social norms go out the window and you do what you need to do to survive the 4 hour delay. Don’t apologize for what you need to do to feel relaxed and ready to go in 2025… or tomorrow.

Say no to things, say yes to things, say whatever you want to things! Just don’t be a jerk, there’s no need for that. I WILL tattle on you to Santa, don’t test me.

So say no to that thing that will drain you and YES to walking around in an elf costume (or something else equally as joyful, but what it is I can’t imagine). You’ll never hear this 5’11 elf apologizing for buying paper towels in tights!

Welp, that’s all folks! Gotta wrap this up real quick before I get in trouble. If anyone asks (cough cough Santa cough cough Adrian), I was never here and you never read this newsletter… 

And don’t forget, while I hear a lot about how these great things take time, and while I mostly get it, they also take 20 minutes in an oven preheated to 350 degrees…

Love & Syrup,

Francis Thee Elf

“Breakfast of Champions”

Ingredients:  

• Assortment of colorful candies and chocolates.

• Oatmilk

• Whipped cream

Recipe:

1. Dump your favorite candies into a bowl. DO NOT MEASURE. The more the merrier

2. Add a splash of oatmilk (I use Chobani, but any liquid will do. Juice? Beer? Redbull? SURE!)

   

3. Top with whipped cream.

   

4. Enjoy! (With your hands of course)

5. Don’t forget to enjoy the candy milk at the end!