Technically I'm On My Second Life

Things I'm Taking With Me In My 41st Year

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Here's what's in today's email

41: Things Have Just Begun

This past week, I hit the uninteresting milestone of turning 41. Regardless of my age, I always think it’s important to reflect on my life, the direction it’s heading, and what I want out of it. (To be completely honest, I should be doing this regularly, not just on a birthday.)

Age, like so many other things, is something that is mostly left up to interpretation. We’re an adult at 18, but do we truly feel like an adult at that age? After all, at 18, we’re technically still in our teens. Is five years enough to make the big jump from teenager to adult?  There are 18-year-olds who shoulder great responsibility, while there are 30-year-olds not ready to own up to their mistakes.

When mapping out how I want this year to unfold, I landed on GROWTH being the guiding light for my forty-first year. Sure, your brain starts to shrink in your 30s and 40s, but I don’t believe that should impact whether or not I can achieve growth.  

It’s kinda crazy to think about, but in the 1900s, life expectancy was in the 40s. That means my life would be just about over. But now, I have almost a whole other life ahead of me. I could look at this as, “damn, I’m old.” But instead, I want to look at it as I’m really starting to get some experience in this life thing. 

Does this look like someone who sees themself as old?

Keep in mind that experience is code for trying things and failing to get the desired results. So what am I going to do with all this experience? Well, I’m going to keep building on it, and these are the things at the forefront of my mind in my forty-first year.

Growth

What new skills can I learn? What do I love that I want to expand on? How am I growing as a family member, a friend, a coworker, a coach? How heavy can I lift? How fast can I run? How can I expand what I’m doing with my life? I do not want to be complacent. Complacency is the enemy of growth. I want to see what I can achieve. 

Age is really just a number. It can be a countdown to the end, or it can be a sum of experience and knowledge. I could say I’m 40 years from death, or I could say I have 40 years of experience to inform my decisions. If I take every mistake, error, and failure I’ve made and take what I’ve learned from it, there’s no doubt I can be smarter with my actions.

Think of all the things you’ve learned about yourself over the years: how certain foods feel, what warmups you need, what gets you in the zone, and build on that. The older you get, there’s nothing you can’t do, no weight you can’t move… you just might need a little more prep to get started…

Tomorrow Is Never Promised

It doesn’t matter if you’re four or forty-one; tomorrow is never promised. With age comes a reminder of our mortality. We realize how precious life is as everyone around us ages, and we begin to lose people. People leave us in expected and unexpected ways, but the reminder is the same: never wait to tell people you care about them. If you’re here, you know the story of my grandmother and how it impacted me. She’s not the only person who has left this world unexpectedly, but I want to learn from my regret of not making time for her and the people I care about so that she’s the last one to leave this earth not being told how much I love her.

If you are waiting to tell someone how you feel, why is that? Is it something you’re holding onto that is trivial? Is it because you’re realizing they aren’t right for where you are in your life? Regardless of what your relationship looks like, don’t be afraid to reach out and share, even if it means a resolution to your relationship.

You Are The Sum of those Closest To You

The people closest to you are the ones who are your greatest influence, they are also a reflection on who you are as a person. Some say those are the only people whose opinion you should care about. Are you happy with who those people are? 

I am so grateful that I have people in my circle who push me, inspire me, and hold me accountable. That hasn’t always been the case. There have been times I’ve looked back on my life and have seen the support system I have isn’t supporting me in the way I need. I can’t always fault the person, some people just aren’t compatible, but it’s up to me to set the standards I need and to look for people who can support me in the way I need. It’s difficult, but sometimes we need to move on from friendships that don’t serve us.

Take Your Rest Days

Whether you need a full break or an adjustment to your schedule, take time to take it. How many vacation days do you have left at the end of the year? Vacation time doesn’t mean a big trip, it can. But if you’re leaving days on the table, that means you’re leaving days that you could have used to restore yourself. 

Rest days are important!

Just like when you have fitness goals, giving yourself a rest day means you can get back into things with renewed vigor. You’re fresh, you’re alert, and you’re not burnt out. Once I started finding time to disconnect by doing things like going for a drive or putting my phone down, it was easier to face challenges. Small things that popped up didn’t feel like an enormous challenge to deal with. 

Do It For Yourself

Once I stopped focusing on doing things to please other people, I started to find more of a reward in my life. I didn’t get hung up on people’s opinions of me because I was doing things to please myself, not others. If I did things for other people and their opinions, I might not workout the way I do, eat the way I do, or spend my free time the way I do.

Believing in this has given me the freedom to say no to things that aren’t right for me or to share what’s going on with my mental health. I’m not worried that someone will think I’m less of a man because I talk about mental struggles or cultivating relationships with my male friends. These are things that are important to me, and at the end of the day, if someone can’t appreciate that, then they aren’t right for me, and that’s just fine.

A Simple Recipe

Looking back on these five things, they seem so simple to implement. Is it really that hard to focus on bettering myself, surrounding myself with a group of mutually supportive people, telling people I care about them, taking a break, or doing things because I want to do them? I guess this means there is a sixth thing to add to the mix: simplicity. 

There is no elaborate and magic equation to building a life you love that feels right. Usually, it’s going back to simple and tangible things and not giving up. It’s knowing that these simple things will compound each other to build something great. It means staying dedicated and never giving up because Great Things Take Time. 

Moments with Maurice

If you only pause to reflect on your life for one moment today, do it now.

We can get in our own way when it comes to growth. We are afraid to take the next step because it can be easier to stick with the known torture than the vast expanse of unknown possibilities. Being comfortable is easy, no matter how poorly it makes us feel.

On the other hand, it can be hard to see when we’ve grown because we’re stuck in comparisons and judgement. It’s important to remember that growth isn’t just what you’ve achieved; it’s also how you respond to situations, how you are able to pivot, or the resiliency you’ve built up.

Reflection: Over the last few years, do you think you’ve seen growth? Or is your first reaction to think that nothing you’ve done has been of substance? Why is that? Consider what things you first considered to not be part of your growth, and why that was.

Prompt: What change do you need to make right now to either correct something you’ve done, or put you on the right path forward?

I am in a leadership position at work (not high up the ladder but 1-2 rungs up!) however, I feel stagnant, searching for what I need to do to grow from this level. I'm not thinking of changing companies (been here 30 years-not wanting to restart and reinvent myself elsewhere) but trying to figure out how to navigate to grow here. I know I have worth and I know I am appreciated, but I do feel I am trying to refind my purpose. I'm spending this month reflecting and getting an action plan.

- MarieKB

The immediate change I need to make is to stop making excuses all the time. I understanding having grace for yourself, but at what point am I playing victim olympics with myself to see if the next day I have a worse day worth of a gold medal.

Overall, I tend to be a high performer but can sometimes become enabled by folks that feel bad for me, thus I continue the cycle of making excuses. I truly want to make this change this year, so the times that I afford myself grace are lower and more intentional. I value so much of these prompts and the pushes Adrian brings me to"

- Anonymous

What’s Got Me Smilin’

Because no matter what, there is always something to smile about.

Family Time

With everything going on in LA, I’ve been looking back at photos from my recent visit out there with my family. I’m grateful they are safe, and I’ve been laughing at the little lessons they’ve taught me. Seeing the world through a kid’s eyes is a special thing. It helps remind you to drop all the extra fuss and focus on the present and spending time with your loved ones.

Growth

I’m serious about growth… and getting naked. Can’t help but laugh at that one.

Exciting New Toys

A boy and his toys. Building up the background and trying out the new toy to deliver more fun content. No AI here, all Adrian.

See You Next Time

Stay safe and send love to those you care about.

Remember:

-Adrian

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