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The Incredible Power We All Hold
It can be healing or damaging, only you decide how you want to use it.
Adrian Williams
October 21, 2024
Welcome to the community where together, we’ll dive deep and find the strength to never give up because Great Things Take Time.
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Here's what's in today's email
The Antidote or the Weapon
As you read this, a notification pops up on your phone. It’s from the person whose opinion you care the most about in the whole world. The one who could make you adjust long-thought-out plans or cause you to shrink away in embarrassment from a statement made with confidence.
Who is it?
Is it a person, a group, or a larger entity, like a social media audience?
Ideally, the only person on this planet who should truly hold such power over you is you. Of course, that’s not always the case.
They say that we are a summation of the five closest people in our lives. To pay attention to who we surround ourselves with according to who we want to be as people. Having people who can help influence our lives is not always a bad thing. There are people we hold in high regard whose opinions we trust. Sometimes, it’s merely the idea of them that drives us.
For me, that’s my grandmother. I quote her often, think about how she would react to my life, and I even started Great Things Take Time in honor of what she would tell me,
“Never give up, Maurice, because great things take time.”
But my grandmother wasn’t perfect, and her words weren’t gospel. She was a God-fearing woman who wanted the best for those around her, even if it didn’t manifest in the best way. Sometimes, the idea of people and what they would say about our lives causes us to make decisions.
Today, in the day of social media, those decisions are not always in our best interests.
We all hear the stories of the dumb things done for social media. A desire for clicks, comments, and shares drives people to attempt risky things. Things are shared to make us feel a certain way: anger, envy, sadness, or inspiration. That’s not to negate the benefits that information sharing on social media can have, but we must treat it as a tool, like a ticket purchasing system that’s constantly inflating things, breaking, and causing undue stress, not as the main concert.
Social media is not truth. There was a period of time in the last year when I felt so low and was in such a dark place that everything I shared felt like a lie. I wasn’t living. I was just going through the motions. Eventually, what I shared came few and far between. This isn’t to say that I am an example of how to be open. If you met me and asked me how I was doing, I wouldn’t give you a clue. There is danger in that.
If you’ve read The Four Agreements, don Miguel Ruiz opens at the beginning of the second chapter by stating, “The first agreement [be impeccable with your word] is the most important one and also the most difficult to honor.”
“Be impeccable with your word: speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”
You Hold The Power
What a beautiful and terrifying sentiment that we all wield a deadly weapon or the greatest antidote just by being born on this planet. Our word is powerful, and it’s important that we treat it as such.
Think about the people who came to mind at the beginning of this newsletter or even the people you casually interact with during your day. They could tear you down or build you up in a single notification or statement. You could find the power in yourself or be convinced that everything is wrong with you. Ideas are seeds that are planted, growing, and flowering when watered and cultivated.
You want to know something else? You are that for someone else. Something you say today will directly alter the course of someone’s life, their opinions, or their outlook. If you don’t already, consider how everything you say impacts someone else. This next minute, hour, or day is a fresh start for you to change the intention of your words.
Speak with honesty. You alone know exactly what that means to you.
Moments with Maurice
Each week, my Wednesday content will leave you with a reflection and prompt to share your reactions and thoughts, and the following Monday I’ll highlight some of the responses. Taking things inward is powerful, but sharing them reminds us we aren’t alone in our thinking and that we aren’t all that much different.
If you haven’t heard of it before, imposter syndrome is defined as “the persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills.” As I shared on Wednesday, I fight with it, specifically when I started coaching on the platform in 2020.
While I still struggle with it, I’ve developed tools to remove doubt and set myself up. As many of you are aware, mental games can come at any point in time, whether or not you’re ready for them. Setting myself up for inner reflection before I begin a big event, or even just start my day, has ended up becoming the shift I’ve needed to remove the self-doubt from my mind logically. It’s not the magic pill but the stepping stone to a Greater Thing, and from the looks of below, there is a tool a lot of people have in common.
Reflection: Think about the interactions you’ve had growing up to present day. How have you been made to feel when you share your emotions? Do you feel supported or like a burden? Make a list of the times when you have felt the most comfortable.
Prompt: What are the stories or interactions you’ve had about dealing with one’s emotions? Do they tell you to brush it off? Ignore it? Deal with it? Do you listen to them or push it off?
I have very few people who will sit down and listen. I think culturally, especially me who was raised in a 3rd world country, was taught to be grateful for what we have. I was blessed. I had all I needed and even more. I was in a bubble, but while doing my med-school rural rotations, I saw what the real world was. Yes, I’m thankful for what I have, and it was an honor to help and support those in need.
But what about us? My mom, a hard-working single mom (basically), is a hard one to go to cuz she sees what we don’t see and urges us to be strong, brush it off, and be grateful for what you have. I get it, but we need validation and support when we are struggling with other things. This is something I wanna teach my children, “it’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to be frustrated. Let’s work on it together…I'm here for you,” BUT at the same time to be grateful.
I grew up during Soviet time in the former Soviet country… I was always told to brush it off, deal with it, and toughen up, especially by older people. I think the way they were raised during such dark times (after 2nd WW, Cold War) in that region really played a big role. I’m not sure they knew much differently. Growing up, I never heard about someone going to see a therapist or going to get help. People who went were considered crazy. So we just dealt with it, ignored it, and hid the emotions…it felt like many people there just drank. Unfortunately, that was their remedy. I wasn’t even allowed to cry.
In my mid-20s, I moved to this country… that was when the first time I really started to think about my mental health and emotions. I started to unpack the load I had been carrying around, hiding it. I’m almost 50, and I’m still unpacking and dealing with all the old emotional baggage while navigating new, plus learning to deal with the emotions of others correctly, as I hadn’t thought about that. I’m not upset with anyone; they just didn’t know better. It certainly shows how society, country, and environment play a huge role in how we deal with our and other people's emotions!
It's more about me talking with myself than with anyone else! I remember years ago when I was dealing with a lot at home: my dad was slipping further into dementia, I was raising small kids, I had a workaholic husband, and I was having dental pain. I went to the dentist, but they couldn't find anything physical. I was asked repeatedly if I was under stress, and I absolutely confidently replied, 'No, not really.'
SERIOUSLY?! It honestly didn't even hit me until years later. Looking back on how much I held, I honestly know I'm still doing it. My body has never been more inflexible than it's gotten the last year (loss of my mother, family drama resulting), but yet I'm still not in therapy...but I've started looking, at least...it's a step, right?!
I have generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I take two medications. Growing up, I didn't feel like there was space for my emotions. As the oldest child, a lot of responsibility was placed on me. I strongly suspect that my father has undiagnosed spectrum disorder, and my mother just... can't deal.
One of my sisters had major issues including severe anger management problems. Her issues took up so much space in our home, and I felt I had to be the "good child." My parents never noticed my massive anxiety, even when I developed trichotillomania--a disorder that causes hair pulling. It's embarrassing and hard to talk about, even now, but it's a very visual manifestation of anxiety. I had almost no eyebrows at 15, and it was like my parent's didn't notice. I started therapy after a major mental health, and life, breakdown at 37, and I'm finally able to name and claim my emotions after so many years compartmentalizing.
Therapy has been a life saver for me. I want people to know that it's ok to seek help even if you're not sure you need it--often you don't know until it's almost too late.
 | Holding the Rope To The Club |
 | On Wednesdays, the Great Things Collective will hear stories from my life that have influenced who I am today. I’ll give insight into my past, how I dealt with what I was given, what I learned from it, and what I’m still learning. You’ll get to know me deeper, and in turn, I want to learn about your journey. |
You might hold the rope to the most exclusive club in the world. How do you decide who to let in? Opening your arms may mean more to someone than you know.
Take my hand, bring me inside. At some point, everyone was on the outside of this community. You need to start welcoming people in. The offering can change someone’s life. The offering is the difference between being seen and loved. There are people with trauma who haven’t felt seen or loved by the source that is the most important.
 | What’s Got Me Smilin’ |
Because no matter what, there is always something to smile about.
Words to remind you that your story hasn’t been written yet
The sass coming from my clean little man. He is not pleased he no longer stinks.
One of my favorite meals to cook, hits all my needs
| You Put Your Foot In This |
Food is a universal way of sharing and experiencing each other.
My grandma, my mom, and I have always been the same, it brings us joy to see people enjoying what we’ve made. Because of that, I want to give space for the community to share recipes that are so full of love, it makes people say "damn, you put your foot in this!"
Each week, I’ll highlight a recipe from the community, sharing the story behind why this meal, dish or drink is special to them. What better way for us to get to know each other better and maybe even cook together?
“Damn, You Put Your Foot In
Grandma T’s Gooey Butter Cake”
Growing up, my grandma lived in Branson, Missouri, which was about a six-hour drive from us in Des Moines, Iowa. We would often go visit her and my grandpa about twice a year, often at Christmas and during the summer. She was a fantastic cook and baker. In Missouri, gooey butter cake is a staple and something we never got at home. She would make this cake for us every time we visited. I would often eat it for breakfast when it was most definitely a dessert. Grandma T called me a little bird because I would eat the crust off of the cake.
Cake Ingredients:
1 box yellow cake mix
1 egg
½ cup butter melted
Frosting Ingredients:
1 package cream cheese
2 eggs beaten
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 ½ cups powdered sugar
Powdered sugar to sprinkle on top
Recipe:
Preheat over to 350 degrees F
Grease a 9×13 pan
Blend cake mix, 1 egg, and butter until smooth
Press into greased 9×13 pan
Blend cream cheese, eggs, vanilla and powdered sugar until creamy
Spread into pan on top of the cake mixture
Bake at 350°F for 40-45 minutes or until edges are brown
Top with powdered sugar
Enjoy without eating it all in one sitting!
This is most definitely not a breakfast item! The middle will be gooey, hence the name gooey butter cake. It's best served warm.
Submit your recipes and story here
What To Expect From Me:
Monday’s newsletter will always be accessible to anyone that has subscribed to Great Things Take Time. I’ll highlight moments of my week, announcements, things that have brought me joy, and other things worth sharing. But to bring you even more great content we have the Great Things Collective, a paid subscription level for $9 a month that gets you the following:
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Additional editions of the Great Things Take Time newsletter where I share stories from my life, lessons I’ve learned, guest authors, personal growth prompts and so much more!
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| See You Next Time |
Thanks for being with me on this journey. I’m excited to see where this takes us, and what we’re going to achieve together. I know this is far from perfect, but together I hope we can grow it into exactly what it’s meant to be.
Remember:
-Adrian
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