In a world where we could have just about everything we want at a moment’s notice, we have to pick and choose where we allocate our energy and always remember that while good things are fleeting,

Great Things Take Time

“Boundaries” is a buzzword of mental health and self-care, especially when it comes to the holiday season. With the holidays in full swing, I wanted to revisit why they are important and when they can be punishment.

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Table of Contents

• GTTT Starter Guide

• Holiday Boundaries

• Moments with Maurice

• What's Got Me Smilin'

GTTT Starter Guide

For a quick start to learn a bit more about Great Things Take Time and things I’ve already shared, take a look at the GTTT Starter Guide for a compilation of newsletters with some of the most popular topics.

Holiday Boundaries

Boundaries without communication are punishment

Woof. That statement feels pretty powerful, no? We hear so much about putting up boundaries and how they are important, but we rarely hear that they are something with a negative side to them. 

Boundaries in all forms are important because they provide clear and measurable spaces, whether tangible or not. When you have a fence on your property, it shows where your domain begins and where people need to obtain permission to cross. When you set a budget for finances, it gives you a clear answer as to what you can spend. You know that going beyond that boundary means danger for your bank account. 

I’m sure you can think of tons of boundaries in your personal life that you don’t give a second thought to following because the need for them and the display is clear, like lanes in the road. They are easy to see (well, maybe not if the road is covered by snow), and there is no confusion as to why they are there. Why would you push the boundaries while steering a huge hunk of metal? 

But the boundaries we put up with relationships aren’t always handled in such a clear fashion; a lot can get lost in translation. 

First, we ourselves have to know what the boundary is that we need to set. Then we need to communicate it accurately. The boundary needs to be understood by the other party, and then it needs to be followed. That’s a lot of chances for things to go wrong!

Then you throw the holidays in the mix, and 100 burpees without stopping start to feel easier than maintaining your boundaries.

Like anything, you can’t control how someone will react and whether or not they will listen to you; you can only control how you show up, what you present, and how you respond. 

And this is why communication over boundaries is so important, especially over the holidays.

Over the next several weeks, there will be many opportunities for parties, dinners, get-togethers, events, shows, and countless other things. You’ll see friends, family, coworkers, and plenty of strangers, and interact with them in so many ways. It’s important that you go into all these situations prepared to establish a boundary and be open about it, because if you aren’t willing to tell someone why, and it’s going to impact your relationship, that’s punishment.

I’ll give you a few personal examples:

Repeatedly not attending events hosted by close friends and not providing context for the cancellation. Of course, if someone cares about you, you shouldn’t need to give them a reason, but telling them that I had to get up very early in the morning could have saved some misunderstandings. 

Receiving texts from someone I love written in a way that put me in a bad mood. Because of this, I wouldn’t respond and would ignore them. However, I never addressed the issue as to why I wasn’t responding, and it just created more tension and animosity.

Going out with friends and not drinking. It seemed like I was being a wet blanket, or that I thought I was better than everyone else, but it goes back to that same issue; I had to be up early in the morning, and I didn’t want to be hungover.

You never need to give anyone a reason for why you do something, but like everything we do in life, there needs to be consideration, even just for a brief second, on the impact it will have on someone else. If you have to avoid someone because you don’t like the way they treat you, and you want to maintain that relationship in a healthy manner, you need to communicate why you are distancing yourself. If you need space and time for yourself and you want to keep the connection alive with someone, sharing why you’ve cancelled will mean more and strengthen the bond than radio silence.

We don’t know what we don’t know (classic obvious Adrian statement), but we also might not realize the importance a situation has to someone else. Calling you that nickname repeatedly might not seem like a big deal to one person, but to the other, it might feel horrible. If you love someone and want to keep the relationship strong, being honest about the boundaries and which ones they are crossing allows them to see where they are getting it wrong. Otherwise, it will just feel like punishment to them as you cut them out, avoid them, or don’t show up.

Around holiday time, boundaries can get blurred for the sake of “traditions” or keeping the peace. If something is important to you, it should be important to others. Don’t feel guilty for making a stand with a boundary. The holiday season is meant to be magical for everyone, but it can’t if it feels like your boundaries are compromised. There are ways to calmly explain things and keep the peace while also standing up for yourself, but remember that sometimes you’ll need to take that extra step and communicate the what and why if you want to maintain relationships. 

Here, practice with me… “I can’t do _____ right now, I have class with Adrian in the morning and it’s important to me I don’t miss it.” Okay, so maaaaaybe class with me isn’t on the top of your list, but you get the point. 😉 

Setting meaningful boundaries isn’t always easy or quick, but as you know, Great Things rarely ever are.

Moments with Maurice

If you only pause to reflect on your life for one moment today, do it now.

If you’ve been journaling along with me, take the time to pause on the reflection and write down your answer to the prompt. Even if it feels silly in the moment, looking back on what you’ve written down can be eye-opening when you start to see patterns form.

Because no matter what, there is always something to smile about.

This Little Dude

Never did I ever think I’d gush over a dog. I never thought this little man could have such a hold on me and turn me into a better person. Not only does he help regulate my nervous system when I get home, but he reminds me to take care of myself so I can give him the best possible life.

Thanksgiving *With* The Fam

Whether we are near or apart, seeing the joy on my family’s faces over the holidays makes me smile every time. The magic of the holidays is even more special when I see it through the eyes of my nephews. Of course, I’ll always miss celebrating with my brother and his family in person.

The Downshift

Below is the interior of my G80 M3 interior being pieced together (not my newest foray into the fashion world). This whole process has made me appreciate what goes into creating the objects we rely on in our daily lives.

The last step means the finish line is near, and you can see my car (on the right) hanging out outside of J&B. The color is in grayscale and I’m very excited to show you what color was selected.

Remember:

-Adrian